Carers ACT... Information for Young Carers... CANBERRA, AUSTRALIA

Who are young carers?

Young carers are children and young people up to 25 years of age who help care in families where someone has an illness, a disability, a mental illness, or who has an alcohol or other drug problem.

The person they help care for, might be a parent, a sibling, their own child, a grandparent or other relative, or maybe a friend. They might help out with cleaning or cooking; getting their relative around the house; helping with medicines; keeping them safe; showering or dressing; or watching out to make sure that they're feeling OK.

Across Australia, over 390,000 children and young people help care for their relatives.

What's it like to be a young carer?

Many young carers tell us that caring can be a great thing to do - that they're proud of who they are and what they do, and that they've built up a whole swag of useful skills. Sometimes though, young carers say that caring can affect how they feel; how much time they get to spend with friends; doing school work; or holding down a job, and that often they need some help.

What information can I get?

Look through the headings below, to find tips on how to look after yourself and the person you're caring for, and about how to get help when you need it.

Who put it together?

This information was developed by Carers Australia - the national voice for carers in Australia. It's role is to make sure that carers, of all ages, are given opportunities to get the help they need, and to be supported to achieve their own goals.

This information can also be found in a booklet titled 'Who Cares? We Do' that can be downloaded by clicking here.

* Looking after you!

When you spend most of your time looking after other people, it's easy to forget to look after yourself too. But it's really important - because unless you're fit, healthy and relaxed, you can't do a great deal for others.

Looking after yourself will help you keep going - even when times are tough.

* How can I look after myself better?

Know that you are not alone

With lots of things to do, and not much time to get out, sometimes you might feel very alone. In times like these, it's good to talk to someone about how you're feeling, and to spend time with others who understand.

Just talking to someone can be a great relief

Your local Commonwealth Carer Resource Centre has workers who are there to listen, and to link you up with other young carers for support groups, activities, camps and lots more! You can contact them on 1800 242 636*.

*Free call except from mobile phones. Mobile calls are charged at mobile rates.

Find out about what's going on

Young carers tell us, the thing that makes them most stressed or concerned, is not knowing what's going on.

Get out and about

Try to take some time out every once in a while. Get away from home, and do something that makes you feel good - like laughing with friends; playing sport; watching a movie; or playing in a band.

If you feel guilty or uncomfortable about leaving your relative at home by themselves, then you might:

Organise another family member or friend to come in and help, so you can have time off ;

Call your local Commonwealth Carer Respite Centre on 1800 059 059* and organise for a worker to help out;

Talk to your family or someone you trust, about how you're feeling.

Look after your body

It's always important that you look after your body by:

Eating well throughout the day;

Getting enough sleep;

Having regular exercise;

Taking time out to relax and unwind;

Laughing;

Having regular checkups with your doctor.

Caring can sometimes puts your body under a lot of pressure. Caring for long hours, can be exhausting. Lifting heavy things, can put strain on your back; and not getting enough sleep, can be tiring.

In each state and territory, there are Young Carer Workers who can help you come up with other tips on how to look after yourself. Contact them through the Commonwealth Carer Resource Centre on 1800 242 636*.

Look after your mind

As well as having a healthy and fit body, your mind needs a workout too. You can do this by:

Learning how to relax;

Taking time to chill out with friends;

Dealing with issues, so you don't have to spend all your time worrying;

Talking to people about how you're feeling;

Writing down your thoughts and ideas in a diary.

Find other people who are in the same boat as yourself.

Your local Commonwealth Carer Resource Centre can send you a relaxation CD, with some tips on how to cope with stress. Call them on 1800 242 636*.

Get enough sleep

Sometimes, young carers can find it hard to sleep. This might be because they feel they don't have enough time after juggling caring, working and cleaning around the home, or because when it's time to head to bed, they just can't sleep.

Neither of these situations are ideal. Most of us need at least 8 hours sleep every night, otherwise it's really hard to concentrate during the day; to do well at school; or keep an eye out for other people. People who don't sleep well, are also more likely to suffer from depression and feelings of sadness. Sleep helps keep us healthy, and re-energises us for the next day.

Here are some things that might help you sleep better:

Get some help with your caring, so that you have more time to do other things you need to do. Read the Who Can Help You? section below, for some ideas on how to do this;

Set a regular bedtime, to get your body into a pattern;

Get lots of exercise during the day (try not to exercise just before bed - that'll keep you alert);

Keep away from coffee and soft drinks after about 4pm, and cut down (or better still, quit) smoking;

Relax before bedtime - play some soft music, and dim the lights;

Try not to nap during the day;

Avoid all-nighters;

Put a notebook near your bed, where you can write down any things you may need to remember, or any concerns that are keeping you awake - 'sleeping on it' does actually work!;

Do things that build your self-esteem, and have some fun - you're more likely to get reasonable sleep if you're feeling good about yourself.

If you are worried about not sleeping, talk to your GP or a counsellor. They can give you some help, and come up with some other ideas that might help you.

Reward yourself every once in a while

Caring can be hard work, and it can sometimes take a lot of energy, courage, and love, to get through. It's important to stop and remember 'how awesome what you are doing is' and to reward yourself for a great job done.

Here are some rewards that other young carers treat themselves to every once in a while:

Listen to your favourite CD with the phone off the hook;

Write down ten things you're proud about yourself in a diary (start with 5 if you find it hard);

Check out a movie, or take a night off with a friend;

Buy yourself something nice;

Rearrange your bedroom;

Go to the pool or gym, and have some time to yourself;

Cook your favourite meal, followed by a delicious dessert;

Go through your photo album;

Go to the local fun park, arcade or fair;

Have absolutely no plans for the weekend.

Some of these rewards might cost money, or you might not know how to organise them. Contact your local young carers worker through the Commonwealth Carer Resource Centre on 1800 242 636* - they might be able to help.

* Dealing with feelings

Young carers can feel a whole range of emotions when caring for a relative or friend. Some young carers tell us that they feel proud about the way they help care for their relative. Others, share times when they felt angry, sad or frustrated. There's no such thing as 'right feelings' or 'wrong feelings' - it's just how you feel.

As a young carer, you might feel:

Shock (when you first find out that your relative is unwell);

Confused (when you're not given the information you need);

Guilty (when you need a break; when you're not coping; or when you ask for help);

Love and commitment (for your relative or friend and other people who help you);

Frustration or anger (when you think others aren't doing their share, or when you miss out on doing things you want to do);

Fear (when you don't know what's happening);

Excitement (when things are going well);

Sad (when you think about the things your relative might miss out on);

Pride (about all the great things you do).

Feeling any of these emotions isn't a bad thing, but sometimes we have to think about how we express them. For example, when we're angry, we need to work out how to release the anger in a way that doesn't hurt us, other people, or things around us. Here are some things that other young carers suggest might help:

Listen to music;

Go for a run, or do something physical;

Pull out weeds in the garden;

Scream into a pillow;

Take a few deep breaths (try not to hyperventilate!);

Call a friend and talk for hours.

You need to deal with some of your other emotions too, and often the best way of doing this, is to talk about them with someone you can trust. Here are a few suggestions of people you might contact:

A friend, neighbour, brother, sister, or other family member you trust;

A counsellor or teacher at school;

A Youth Worker down at the local youth centre;

Your sporting coach, youth group leader or pastor;

Someone from Kids Help Line on 1800 551 800 or Lifeline on 13 1114;

Your local Commonwealth Carer Resource Centre on
1800 242 636*.

* What if I'm not coping?

Most young carers will tell you that there are times when they feel they're just not coping anymore. It's OK to feel like this - but it's a good idea to do something about it, like:

Talk it through with a friend, someone in your family, a counsellor or Youth Worker;

Let your GP know at your next appointment;

Call the Commonwealth Carer Resource Centre on 1800 242 636*;

Talk to someone at Kids Help Line on 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline on

13 11 14. They're available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

* Loss and grief

All of us experience loss or grief at some time in our life. We might lose a pet; move schools and lose touch with our friends; break up with a girlfriend or boyfriend; or move to a new home in a new town. Loss and grief can make us feel empty, or sad, or angry, or relieved, or a mixture of all of these - everyone can feel something different, at different times.

Young carers often tell us, that as well as losing these relationships and opportunities, that they also experience other types of grief and loss, including:

No longer being able to do things with their relative that they might have enjoyed before;

Not having as much time to spend with their friends when they're caring;

Not being able to go to school or work;

Not being able to afford the things they used to do;

Missing out on some of the holidays, games and fun times they used to have with other family friends;

Missing other family members who move away because they can't cope;

Feeling empty when their relative moves into care;

Feeling upset and hurt when their relative dies.

Young carers can feel a whole range of different emotions when they lose someone, something, or some experience that they used to have. They might feel:

Angry or upset - when they think they've been treated unfairly;

Disappointed or let down - when things didn't turn out the way they'd hoped;

Sad or depressed - when they really miss what they used to have;

Confused - when they don't understand why things happened the way they did;

Overwhelmed - when there's too much happening, and too much to cope with;

Resentful - when they realise that they are missing out on other things.

Young carers might also feel other emotions, like:

Relief - when they know their relative isn't suffering any more;

Hope - that things will get better;

Joy - when they remember something special.

Accepting these emotions, both ones that make you feel good or bad, can be just as hard as accepting the thing that you've lost or are missing out on. Sometimes, we dwell on it too much, and feel guilty or ashamed about how we're feeling. We ask ourselves 'how can I feel happy or relieved when something so sad has happened?"

Through all of this, it's important to remember, that all of these feelings are natural, and that it's OK to feel them. It's also important to remember, that everyone feels different things at different times, and that it's usually not that helpful to compare where you're at with others.

Here are some suggestions and ideas from other young carers about dealing with loss and grief:

Know it's OK to feel - good, bad, or not feel at all. Give yourself permission to feel how you feel, and to listen to what your body and mind are telling you. This means that it's also OK to feel happy - to smile or laugh if you want to!

It's OK to cry when you need to. If you don't feel comfortable crying in front of others, lock yourself in your room; or go for a walk, a ride, or a skate.

Try not to bottle things up - get things out in ways that are safe (so that you and others don't get hurt). This could be by writing it down; talking it through; or doing something more creative, like painting or drawing how you feel.

Have friends around you who understand - it's OK to ask people for help, or to just hang out when you don't want to be alone. Let them know what you need from them - to talk, or to just hang out.

Cherish the memories - keep a scrapbook or photo album, and record all the good things that you remember, and all the challenges you've overcome. Maybe, plant a tree of memory, and watch it grow. It's OK to celebrate the positives - and it might be something you choose to do with your relative, or another close family member or friend.

Call a Counsellor or Young Carers Worker through the Commonwealth Carers Resource Centre on 1800 242 636*, Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Kids Help Line on 1800 55 1800.

* Dealing with stress

What is stress?

Everyone experiences stress at some time. In fact, sometimes it can be a good thing - like that feeling of excitement you get when:

Your birthday is coming up, and you're expecting a huge party;

That boy or girl you like in your English class, enters the room;

You go on a scary ride at a fun park;

You're getting hyped up for a football game or a drama performance.

In these situations, your body is doing exactly the same thing that it does when you're under other stress. Your body pumps up the chemicals that get you ready for dealing with a crisis - your heart begins to race; you start to breathe more quickly; and you prepare yourself to 'fight' or to take 'flight'.

Your body does this, so that it can protect you when you most need it - like when crossing a busy road; when you feel threatened by someone; or when you know something bad is about to happen. It prepares you to deal with the situation.

All of us can deal with a certain level of stress - in fact, it can keep us going - but when there are too many stressful things happening in our lives, or when we let it get pent-up, stress can have some pretty ugly effects. These might include:

Feeling angry all the time - and not knowing why;

Feeling depressed or sad, and not being able to break it;

Getting sick;

Fighting with friends or family;

Not being able to sleep.

Young carers often have more stressful things in their lives than other children and young people do. Worrying about relatives; trying to keep up with school; always watching out for people's safety; and not getting enough sleep, are all things that can be incredibly stressful. Because all these things can stress us out, it's important we know how to deal with them, and keep them from taking control of our lives.

* How can I deal with stress?

The best way of dealing with stress, is by getting in early, and preparing yourself for it. The more you prepare yourself - your body and your mind - the less likely that things are going to stress you out.

Avoid stressful situations - wherever possible, try to stay away from places, people and situations, that you find stressful, because chances are if they stressed you out last time, then they'll stress you out again.

Relax - take some time out every day for yourself. You might go for a walk; a bike ride; or just sit in your room and listen to music. This time has to be uninterrupted, and just for you. It shouldn't be spent on the computer (playing games or chatting) or watching TV.

Exercise - your body responds better to stressful situations, when it's in-tune. Take some time out every day to skate, surf, run, jog, dance, do some weights, or swim. If you can, why not join a sporting team; a dance class; or organise to go for a jog with a friend - exercise is always more fun, if you do it with someone else.

Eat good food - like fruit and vegies. Make sure you have three meals a day, and healthy snacks in between. Have a treat every once in a while, like some chocolate or cake, if it makes you feel better.

Avoid quick-fixes - like caffeine drinks, alcohol or other drugs. They place more stress on your body and mind.

Get some sleep - catching enough z's every night, is essential if you're going to be able to cope with stress. Be strict on yourself - don't sleep in too long, or stay up too late, because your body then has to work hard to keep alert.

Laugh - giggling, chuckling, and smiling, help cleanse your body and your mind, and are the best ways of combating stress. Make sure you watch hilarious movies; tell jokes with your friends; and laugh at yourself every once in a while.

Talk to someone - chatting to a friend or relative, can be one of the most relaxing and stress-busting activities, because nothing beats feeling understood, heard, and supported by someone who cares.

* Tried and true: stress busters

Play some music;

Do something embarrassing, like cluck like a chicken, or pretend you're a ninja;

Have a hot shower or bath;

Go for a run;

Kick a footy;

Go to the top of a hill, and scream your lungs out;

Make some gingerbread men, and when they're cooked, bite off their heads;

Write down the thing that's stressing you, and stick it to the bottom of your shoe;

Call a friend;

Go for a swim, and float in the pool;

Hug a tree;

Play a practical joke on someone;

Have a hot drink;

Blow up a balloon, until it pops;

Do some push-ups or star jumps.

A reminder about things that aren't that useful:

Taking out your stress on others;

Saying things when you're fired up - you might say something you don't mean, or something you'll later regret;

Taking drugs or alcohol - they might be a quick-fix, but the consequences can be long-term!;

Keeping on doing the things that stress you;

Letting things fester;

Having too many cola or caffeine drinks - they'll catch up on you!;

Hurting yourself.

* Relationships

Over time, all friendships and other relationships will change - you'll meet new people; have fights; break up; get back together; get to know each other better; share stories and secrets; rely on each other; and on it goes.

Sometimes, young carers say that the relationships that they have with people around them, can change, because of their caring. These include relationships with:

Friends

Some young carers say that it is hard to make and keep friends, because they're always at home caring for their relative, and that it's hard to get out to spend time with other children and young people.

Other young carers say that it's hard to invite people home - because they're worried about how people might react, or because they don't want their families to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.

Making and keeping friends, can sometimes be hard, but here are some tips from other young carers on how you might try:

Be proud of who you are and what you do. Keep your head high. People will want to be friends with you, if they know you believe in yourself;

Get some help for your family, so you can get out. This can usually be organised through the Commonwealth Carer Respite Centre on

1800 059 059*;

Try to find other people in the same situation as you - because they'll understand what you're going through. Camps, support groups and catch up days are a great place to meet other young carers.

Other family members

Many young carers tell us that they have really close families, because everyone looks out for each other, and respects what the others are doing.

Some young carers though, tell us that caring for other family members, can put a lot of strain on relationships. With a lot of stress, frustration, and sometimes anger in families, members can take things out on each other, even if they don't mean to.

In these situations, young carers suggest:

Don't take things personally - realise that often people get into fights, because they're just not coping;

Try to get help for your whole family - there are services that can help with respite; with help around the home; and to get people to deal with some of the hard feelings that surround the home;

Talk, Talk, Talk - try to share your feelings with other people in your family. Sometimes, you can get help from social workers or family mediators, who can help you communicate with each other more.

Just having enough time can be a big issue for some young carers. Trying to juggle caring for a relative; cleaning up around the house; and keeping on top of homework, can eat up every spare moment.

The relative you care for

Again, many young carers tell us that they feel a range of emotions about their relative, and the care that they take on, including:

Love and care - for someone that means the world to them;

Fear and anxiety - about what's going to happen to them;

Happiness and gladness - when things are going well, or when things improve;

Resentment - that caring can take a whole chunk of time and energy;

Anger and frustration - when things don't work out the way that you had expected;

Guilt and shame - when you feel things that you don't think you should be feeling, or when you take time out, when you think you should be caring;

Overwhelmed - when you feel like there's too much to do, or too much to have to cope with;

Hope - when you can see that things are getting better.

Because it's really hard to talk about these feelings with their relative, sometimes young carers take it out on them by being grouchy; by getting into fights; or by just hiding away.

Often, young carers can feel guilty about some of these feelings, and try to hide them from their relatives, because they don't want to make their situation worse. It's really hard!

Here are a few things that other young carers recommend in these situations:

Write down how you're feeling, and try to talk it through with your relative, when you're not feeling as emotional;

Talk to someone you trust about what's going on. Often this could be other family members who are helping you care - they might be experiencing the same thing as you, but don't know how to talk about it either;

Let your relative know about the good feelings you have, and what they mean to you;

Make a feelings box, and fill it with notes on how you're feeling, or symbols that remind you about the good and bad days. When you're feeling brave, talk them through with your relative, other family members, or people you trust;

Get advice from your local Commonwealth Carer Resource Centre on 1800 242 636*.

* Taking time out

All of us need time out sometimes. Caring for a relative can be tiring, and taking breaks can help you deal with the stress that you might sometimes feel. Having time out can also be a good thing for the person you're caring for - they can try new things; have something to look forward to; and a chance to have some space for themselves.

These breaks are usually called 'respite' and they might be provided to you by another family member or a friend, or by a service that might organise or pay for it.

Young carers tell us that they most need time out when:

Their relatives are more sick than usual;

When they've got loads of work to do for school or uni;

When there's no-one else around to help;

When they feel sick or run-down themselves;

When they're just not coping, and need some time out!

As the times when you need a break are different, so are the ways you might take time out. It will depend on what suits you, your relative, the rest of your family, as well as the supports that are available in your local area.

Breaks you take, might be in your home, or away from it. They might be for a few hours, a day or two, or even longer. Time out might also be used to help you go to school; to sports; or away on a camp or holiday with your friends.

Taking a break doesn't mean that you are weak, or that you can't handle things - it just means that you are looking after yourself. It also doesn't mean that you are giving up on your relative - you can check to make sure that they are getting the best support possible.

* What type of 'respite' can I get?

Depending on what services are around in your area, there are different types of respite on offer, including:

Someone coming into your home and caring for your relative, so you can have time out (in-home support);

Someone coming into your home to help with the cleaning and cooking, to take the pressure off a little (in-home personal care);

Having your relative go to a day care program, where workers can look after them while you're at school or work (day programs);

Having a family holiday paid for (family-focused respite);

Holiday camps for young carers.

These are just some of the types of respite that may be available to you and your family. If you've got other ideas on how you might take a break - then test them out, because they might be possible!

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